an aside, regarding my testicles.

an excerpt from RAGING MEDITAIONS; a chapbook rejected, unpublished.

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on January 12,
i had an ultrasound on my ball sack.

that makes two.
not ball sacks,
but ultrasounds on my ball sack.

never in my life did i think i’d have this done,
           not once,
            but twice.

the first time came when i found a bump,
the kind that didn’t hurt.
the kind i’m told,
that should scare the ever-living shit out of me.
and that it did.

the second time,
this last,
(and god i hope it’s the last time),
i sat on it the night before,
January 11,
and i woke up and worked the next day,
            dealing with the same pain.

i looked it up online that night,
            January 12,
and was scared shitless.

if not treated in six hours, this could result in the removal of the testicle.

it had been nineteen.
so i drove like hell to urgent care.

Doc told me his daughter recently graduated,
and started to work at the place where i
bought my last camera.

funny coincidence.

but yeah, anyway, we’re going to give you an ultrasound down there, just to make sure you don’t have a dead testicle or something.

i laughed nervously.
voice nearly cracking.

yeah, that’d be bad.

maybe i’ll go buy another camera,
just to tell that young lady,
that her father touched my nuts.

they ended up okay.
my nuts,
and i’m sure Doc and his kiddo are okay too.

i think now about the fear in my balls,
and well,
at least now i know,
i surely want kids.

it’s the little lessons we should be grateful for.

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it could happen to you too,
TCB